Wishing You A Good Day, Today And Everyday!

                                         Getting back to a little normality after these couple of weeks.  Got to be depression creeeping up on me sometimes, all my test showed I am in somewhat good shape.  Walking some but need to do more like I am supposed to.  Got back into AVON, they have been after me to come back and so many have been asking, so here I am AVON lady yet again.  Still doing my Artwork when I can.  Aunt Billie keeps telling me, that none of it will be of vaule until I leave this old world..suppose thats true...for me it will be in my own little corner of it.
                                        Sorry I haven't written for a week, the kids and my neighbor has been keeping me busy.  Marybeth is doing better but I am not sure for how long though, she is a fighter though, still wish her son would spend more time with her, she really needs to be around her.  I call Marybeth my adopted sister, her sister and brother are both gone along with her husband and parents.  It seems like I am the only friend she has sometimes.  I really enjoy the stories she tells.
                                        She is your age SCHIZZ, she pulls pictures out and shares stories about them. She is dying you know but is stubborn and won't let hospice or home health come in, she thinks that if she does it will be the end, so she keeps putting it off.  I just watch to see tha abulance come and take her when she is in so much pain she just can't take it.  I feel really fortunate that I can spend some time with her, it seems like an encoragement.
                                         When I feel up to it, I will have to share with you some of the stories she has told me about her life, its really interesting.  Just feel down still, its like I am flying, doing good but flying low, so if I don't write, you can bet on three reasons, in inportance
                                        1) Something is happening in my family
                                        2)  Feeling discouraged about things, missing you terribly and getting down                                              on myself
                                        3)  Just feeling sick physically
                                         Right now its 1 and 2
      Think about you so much, I just can't keep out of my mind Stephen, just wish I could be there with you in a flash, but I can't..sometimes I feel like I have lost you and I am reaching out to you. How nice it would be if you could just come down here on some kind of vacation, marry me just to get it down, ya know and you could go back to Massachusetts and I can join you when my job is done here.  Watching over my parents and getting the kids through school.  That would be a dream come true and gift that would be the best!
                                   Hope and pray you are ok and all the family is well and doing fine.  Summer sure is closing fast again.
                                 Wanted to write you, say I love you and I never forget about you, please be careful day to day!

The Widow's Club

                                   The last two days I have been in a down mood.  The kids and I went shopping for things they needed to go back to school today.   Hard to believe that they are both in high school .
  My son  is a junior and my daughter a freshman.  When I first came back to Delaware after my husband died , they were eight and six...Hmmm..how'd did I get from there to here..its sorta depressing.  I know time goes by but I never realized how fast.
                                   Nine years had slid by and here I am still a widow, I don't like it SCHIZZ, I really don't.  I went to the calling hours and funeral for my cousin Colleen, as we hugged she said to me " We should start a widow's club, huh?"   I know from that statement that she was in for a long haul, especially the first two years, like my late husband's aunt said the calling hours and the funeral are the easy parts of the process.  It brought back painful memories yet again.
                                  I know everyone meant well but during these parts, it was said to me "You have been through this before"  gosh, how it wasn't a fun experience, one I wish was under better circumstances to share with someone.  I guess in a way its a compliment because I understand perhaps better than some in my family.  Aunt Billie remarked to my Aunt Janet, Colleen's mom "She's a strong person, she will be fine."  All I could think was how I have seen the strongest people fall under grief.  Colleen's daughter was really having a hard time, but as I sat there watching my cousin I could see her visibly shake as she sobbed.  That pain is one I could feel right down to the soles of my feet.  I started to cry.  The hardest was listening to their son, a man in his late thirties with children of his own ,break down as he spoke of his dad.
                                 My cousin and I shared some similarities with our husband's, her brother's name is Jeff, for the time, there were three.  Colleen's husband's name was Jeff, whom she married in 1986. Me, my late husband's name was Jeff as you know.
                                Its not a fun club, "The Family Widow's Club"  I know that in my immediate family there were three until my second cousin Doris passed away this year, now its just Colleen and I, if you want to count my in law side, Aunt Pauline.  Its a lonely, depressing place.  I know come this September when we have our family reunion.  Colleen and I will be singled out, you know those "Poor Widow's"  whispers and the the occasional pitiful looks...A Big RASPBERRY to that .  Colleen yet has had endure years of it, like I have, prayerfully she will find someone to become a good friend and fall in love with like I have with you or she may be contented with just spending her days with her family like Aunt Pauline and Doris did.   All I know is being without a loving man is living hell, I don't like it.  I am thankful you were and still in my life, although I wish I could be with you.   I find now that my parents need me as yours did, since my brother decided to bail out on all of us.  He didn't even bother to show up for Colleen, when everyone did.  Mom was really worked up about it.   It hurts dad, I know, mom sees it in him all the time and it burns her up.   You see all of us, including my cousins were all close because we grew up together, so my brother not being there was a slap in the face for all of us.
                           I am sorry I didn't write, it just has been so stressful, either way, I know its not an excuse and I hope and pray your family is doing fine and you are keeping well, not a day goes by that I don't think about you.  It breaks m heart not to see or talk to you face to face.  I know you are very busy and that is ok.  I love you, many hugs and kisses, be careful and safe on your daily journeys ok!

Missing Your Smile Today SCHIZZ

     Was a somber day went to my cousins husbands calling hours today.  Her daughter and step kids were having a difficult time especially her step sons boy.  About twelve, he kept going to his grandpa's casket.   Broke down a little,  seems like things have been changing so much with losing
so many friends and family. Hope and pray you and everyone are doing ok up in Amesbury .  You know I worry about and think about you so much.  Miss you so much,especially your reassuring smile and handsome face.
  Please take care of yourself Stephen, love you so much,Many hugs and kisses.   Got to go to the funeral tomorrow.   Write you when I get home.  Going to need to after all that🌺

Praying You Are Having A Beautiful Night Stephen, I Love You Very Much,All My Hugs And Kisses Always

https://youtu.be/Y4ZC71LRXcc

Love You Stephen

https://youtu.be/5mnX03n0mNw

For you Stephen, love you

https://youtu.be/eM1iO9PzuzY

Very Lovely Music For You SCHIZZ love you

https://youtu.be/PZv-bMY5w9U