Wishing You A Good Day, Today And Everyday!

                                         Getting back to a little normality after these couple of weeks.  Got to be depression creeeping up on me sometimes, all my test showed I am in somewhat good shape.  Walking some but need to do more like I am supposed to.  Got back into AVON, they have been after me to come back and so many have been asking, so here I am AVON lady yet again.  Still doing my Artwork when I can.  Aunt Billie keeps telling me, that none of it will be of vaule until I leave this old world..suppose thats true...for me it will be in my own little corner of it.
                                        Sorry I haven't written for a week, the kids and my neighbor has been keeping me busy.  Marybeth is doing better but I am not sure for how long though, she is a fighter though, still wish her son would spend more time with her, she really needs to be around her.  I call Marybeth my adopted sister, her sister and brother are both gone along with her husband and parents.  It seems like I am the only friend she has sometimes.  I really enjoy the stories she tells.
                                        She is your age SCHIZZ, she pulls pictures out and shares stories about them. She is dying you know but is stubborn and won't let hospice or home health come in, she thinks that if she does it will be the end, so she keeps putting it off.  I just watch to see tha abulance come and take her when she is in so much pain she just can't take it.  I feel really fortunate that I can spend some time with her, it seems like an encoragement.
                                         When I feel up to it, I will have to share with you some of the stories she has told me about her life, its really interesting.  Just feel down still, its like I am flying, doing good but flying low, so if I don't write, you can bet on three reasons, in inportance
                                        1) Something is happening in my family
                                        2)  Feeling discouraged about things, missing you terribly and getting down                                              on myself
                                        3)  Just feeling sick physically
                                         Right now its 1 and 2
      Think about you so much, I just can't keep out of my mind Stephen, just wish I could be there with you in a flash, but I can't..sometimes I feel like I have lost you and I am reaching out to you. How nice it would be if you could just come down here on some kind of vacation, marry me just to get it down, ya know and you could go back to Massachusetts and I can join you when my job is done here.  Watching over my parents and getting the kids through school.  That would be a dream come true and gift that would be the best!
                                   Hope and pray you are ok and all the family is well and doing fine.  Summer sure is closing fast again.
                                 Wanted to write you, say I love you and I never forget about you, please be careful day to day!

The Widow's Club

                                   The last two days I have been in a down mood.  The kids and I went shopping for things they needed to go back to school today.   Hard to believe that they are both in high school .
  My son  is a junior and my daughter a freshman.  When I first came back to Delaware after my husband died , they were eight and six...Hmmm..how'd did I get from there to here..its sorta depressing.  I know time goes by but I never realized how fast.
                                   Nine years had slid by and here I am still a widow, I don't like it SCHIZZ, I really don't.  I went to the calling hours and funeral for my cousin Colleen, as we hugged she said to me " We should start a widow's club, huh?"   I know from that statement that she was in for a long haul, especially the first two years, like my late husband's aunt said the calling hours and the funeral are the easy parts of the process.  It brought back painful memories yet again.
                                  I know everyone meant well but during these parts, it was said to me "You have been through this before"  gosh, how it wasn't a fun experience, one I wish was under better circumstances to share with someone.  I guess in a way its a compliment because I understand perhaps better than some in my family.  Aunt Billie remarked to my Aunt Janet, Colleen's mom "She's a strong person, she will be fine."  All I could think was how I have seen the strongest people fall under grief.  Colleen's daughter was really having a hard time, but as I sat there watching my cousin I could see her visibly shake as she sobbed.  That pain is one I could feel right down to the soles of my feet.  I started to cry.  The hardest was listening to their son, a man in his late thirties with children of his own ,break down as he spoke of his dad.
                                 My cousin and I shared some similarities with our husband's, her brother's name is Jeff, for the time, there were three.  Colleen's husband's name was Jeff, whom she married in 1986. Me, my late husband's name was Jeff as you know.
                                Its not a fun club, "The Family Widow's Club"  I know that in my immediate family there were three until my second cousin Doris passed away this year, now its just Colleen and I, if you want to count my in law side, Aunt Pauline.  Its a lonely, depressing place.  I know come this September when we have our family reunion.  Colleen and I will be singled out, you know those "Poor Widow's"  whispers and the the occasional pitiful looks...A Big RASPBERRY to that .  Colleen yet has had endure years of it, like I have, prayerfully she will find someone to become a good friend and fall in love with like I have with you or she may be contented with just spending her days with her family like Aunt Pauline and Doris did.   All I know is being without a loving man is living hell, I don't like it.  I am thankful you were and still in my life, although I wish I could be with you.   I find now that my parents need me as yours did, since my brother decided to bail out on all of us.  He didn't even bother to show up for Colleen, when everyone did.  Mom was really worked up about it.   It hurts dad, I know, mom sees it in him all the time and it burns her up.   You see all of us, including my cousins were all close because we grew up together, so my brother not being there was a slap in the face for all of us.
                           I am sorry I didn't write, it just has been so stressful, either way, I know its not an excuse and I hope and pray your family is doing fine and you are keeping well, not a day goes by that I don't think about you.  It breaks m heart not to see or talk to you face to face.  I know you are very busy and that is ok.  I love you, many hugs and kisses, be careful and safe on your daily journeys ok!

Missing Your Smile Today SCHIZZ

     Was a somber day went to my cousins husbands calling hours today.  Her daughter and step kids were having a difficult time especially her step sons boy.  About twelve, he kept going to his grandpa's casket.   Broke down a little,  seems like things have been changing so much with losing
so many friends and family. Hope and pray you and everyone are doing ok up in Amesbury .  You know I worry about and think about you so much.  Miss you so much,especially your reassuring smile and handsome face.
  Please take care of yourself Stephen, love you so much,Many hugs and kisses.   Got to go to the funeral tomorrow.   Write you when I get home.  Going to need to after all that🌺

Praying You Are Having A Beautiful Night Stephen, I Love You Very Much,All My Hugs And Kisses Always

https://youtu.be/Y4ZC71LRXcc

Love You Stephen

https://youtu.be/5mnX03n0mNw

For you Stephen, love you

https://youtu.be/eM1iO9PzuzY

Very Lovely Music For You SCHIZZ love you

https://youtu.be/PZv-bMY5w9U

Wishing You And I Were Together

         Always think of you,hoping you will read this.  Seems so lonely without you here,or without me there.
         Time goes by,days go by just wondering where you are,what you are doing but most importantly how are you are doing and if you and yours are all well.
      If I may stop a moment to say I Love You, would you resent me.  I want to smile just to let you know I still care. Would you smile back.
Thinking of you always, wishing we were together. Is that star out there tonight,may we wish on it together.  Please believe, I am here, as a silent witness to enduring hope.  I just love you Stephen 🌹

Beautiful Day, How Was Yours Mr SCHIZZ?

Hello Stephen hope you had a good day,always worry about how you are everyday.
   The day was nice but felt sleepy most of the time because it was the perfect temperature.   Just a somber feeling to add to it.
    Pray you and everyone are doing fine.   Wish I could see you to get one of your one and only" Feel Better" hugs.  You know I would give you a kiss if I could..I love you so very much,come and see me will ya? If not in person then in my dreams 😊💋

Just Saying I Love You!

  Wanted to tell you I Love You.  Not a good day,my cousin lost her husband unexpectedly this morning at the age of 60. Wasn't prepared for that,so I got worried about you since I haven't heard from you.   Hope and pray you are ok and safe.
I love you Stephen 😒

Just How Precious You Are Stephen

     Thought about this so many times last night as I was trying to fall asleep.   Don't know if I ever told you.
     I pray that you stay around much longer after I leave this life.  I say that in a positive way.    You are such a wonderful man for so many reasons.
     Strength in faith,so many times I wish I could see all the wonderful things you do.  How catching this is for others. 
     Strength in understanding, no matter the circumstances surrounding a problem,pain or misconception or when Its just difficult to access a situation.  Instead of anger or emotional acceptance.   You focus on solving it with compassion.  How this is sorely needed to those who need a loving hand.
    Strength in knowledge through common sense.  You aren't just intellectual but you apply basic fundamentals to every day life,gosh does this old world need that!   Many of lost souls looking for the light of Christ in those like you sweetheart!
     You are a light that I always need and will need for the rest of my life.  I know when things happen in my life that cause me to break down in tears,you seem to anchor my being to a solid foothold of your tender care.  That is something rare and precious.  I love you SCHIZZ and if I never told you all this before, I wanted you to know now😊🌟💋  You are one in a million !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sending A Million Smiles,Hugs And Kisses For Your Dreams

I know it's early once again,been working a lot around the house, starting to pick up on some of my favorite projects.  Doing some floral arrangements.  
Hope and pray all of you are doing well and you are fine.  Haven't heard from you for so long but I still believe your there.
   Love you Stephen, please beg careful and have a good day today!😇💌💋

Just Saying Goodnight Stephen, Love You!

   So tired tonight,thinking about you constantly.   Just wanted to wish you a pleasant nights rest,wanting so much to be in your arms.  Have a great day,love you with everything I am..many hugs and kisses SCHIZZ! 💋💋💋💋💋

For you Stephen, love you!

https://youtu.be/Qp_qCnO_bLg

Love Is Always Yours Stephen!

    Sorry I didn't write last night and earlier today.  Its been so crazy here.  
     Tonight I was working around the house getting caught up .   I took a shower and I started writing, been worried about you.
       Yesterday, the kids and I met Pats new man.  Seems nice, Pat was acting weird.  In fact, when we went to eat at Der Dutchman. ..while enjoying my salad...I about choked on a piece of lettuce when she leaned over and pinched his rear.  I felt like crawling under the table..,good thing the kids didn't see it,they would been mortified.   Pat actually embarrassed herself and turned red...should have anyway..gosh
    Hope you have had a better weekend so far..Love you SCHIZZ
All my kisses and hugs tonight,sweet dreams sweetheart! 💋💕