Wanting So Much Permanent Lovefilled Security !

                                                             Being without a permanent companion of the opposite sex so as to touch and love can really make me feel blue.  I do enjoy having time to myself, but that needs to be limited in my case.  Although my time is spent doing artwork, running errands and visiting my family, its the other times I miss.  

                                                            I suppose for most that once a bad relationship is through, going back doesn't seem very desirable.  Makes sense especially when your life is better and more full filled with friends and time to do whatever you want without any hassles from a mate.  I have been widowed for eight years now , its amazing to me how friends and family members talk about all the negative things their spouses, boyfriends and girlfriends do.  I think about maybe I am not good because I am a female, when I hear men talk about how women change after they become their wives, hypocritical, cold and harsh.   Am I a bad person? Was I a good wife? Would I be a good wife if I got re-married? or would a man be better off without me?
                                                          On the same token, I hear how wives speak about their men, you would think  they were the most vile creatures on earth.  Which for the most part isn't true, there are good men.
                                                          Being single is no good especially for those of us who were once married.  If you can stand it single ..I guess it works and if you have already been single it works anyway, but both cases in today's society, it dangerous as it is.  Some think that sex is as nothing more sacred than changing clothing, pat on the back, or just part of everyday life like brushing your teeth.   From 0-100 in a minute without any thought that they as a person may be giving up the most precious part of who they are inside, the inner beauty of the spirit .
                                                       As a widow all these years, I can stand back and watch all of this and it makes me so sad.  I know Schizz, so many times, you have said it, "That is life ,not all of it is bad" and I know you are right.  I just want to have that band of security, a chance to prove once more that you are right that there is good in you and I and all who believe like we do.  What our parents have and had weren't just a part of a past culture dream of a solid union but a real bond as one in Christ.   Love is pure and healing once more.  As long as we have faith, with Christ always before us and with us, all of us, who can be against us.                       
  Simply, honestly and truly, I love you Stephen, for everyday and always.