Keeping Busy,Going Down Again

     Spent the whole day cleaning the house after I didn't get any of it done this weekend with three teenagers.
        Once again I am reminded I am still a widow.  And yet again I cried again today.  I have been doing quite a lot of that the last few days.  I am not teal sure if anyone truly cares about it.  My problem, going down yet again emotionally.  
     So happy for those who have someone, I just feel so lost.
       I miss Stephen so.much,haven't heard from him for five months.  I keep writing believing he reads what I write and still cares what happens in my life with my kids.  When time goes by, especially months.  I can't help but wonder if I really matter to him.  I hate being such a pain, believing gets so difficult when days go by and I still feel so empty and hurting.
     I don't know sometimes if what I say gets through here.
      All I know is not hearing from SCHIZZ,  Stephen is like I lost the best friend in my life yet again.
      If that makes me stupid, I guess I am the dumbest lady in the world.
        I love you Stephen Anthony SCHIZZ, for whatever it's worth, I hope you believe it,because it's true