I remember one morning, my friend and I were talking in front of our lockers when we noticed our English teacher walk by. He seemed like he was in a hurry, his attention distant and his face red. I knew something was wrong. I had seen that look many times on my mother's face when my grandfather would come over and tell her how grandma was doing. My grandmother had high blood pressure and had suffered a stroke that had left her paralyzed and unable to speak. A great many times I had seen the emergency squad over at my grandparent's house. I was young, and I had to take speech therapy. I have vague memories of grandma and I taking speech therapy lessons together. We did share a birthday and a name as well.
My grandmother's health never seemed to improve but get worse, grandpa came over to talk to mom about it because he had no one else to rely on. Mom helped my grandpa care for her while my father helped my grandpa farm. Dad also worked eight hour days and cared for us too when mom couldn't. My grandmother went to heaven on March 20, 1976 from cancer. The word "Cancer" frightened me since, all I knew was that it meant "death" . Heart attacks, I had heard about, but never really seen until my teacher went past us in the halls that day. We learned later from a substitute teacher that his father-in-law had suffered a heart attack and he had to leave for the day.
I lost my grandpa to a heart attack on June 28th, 1987. Never getting to say goodbye to him was the hardest because he was the only grandfather I had ever known. Of course, life went on for me, I got married in 1992 and started a family in 1998 after suffering a miscarriage. My husband and I felt truly blessed and even though we has major set backs, we always were together with our children until his death on December 13th 2006 from cancer.
Like I had mentioned before, I was really planning in spending the rest of my life alone in raising my children. I never thought I would get attached to anyone else, as a widow, you just don't think of it.
It was in July or August I met a man by chance because of my depression and guess what, he was from from Massachusetts. I didn't know that at first but felt a special connection to him. I felt I could trust him and fell in love with his caring and compassion but it felt a little more than that. At first I was nervous and apprehensive because of everything I had gone through. The more he talked about his family and the things he did, it was like talking to my best friend and for the first time in a long time I felt like he had been a part of my life for a longtime, even though it was the first time I met him.
Like I said before, he had to go back to his hometown to care for his parents who sadly passed away not to long ago, sometimes I wonder if he thinks about me as I think about him. He too had suffered a heart attack and had surgery. I am always thinking about how he is doing. I long for the day when I can see him again, I hope and pray. So many times he has gotten my attention in the beginning when I was too blind to see, but he always has it now even though I try and run away, he is always there.
